Allowing the non-essential to fall away

What is important can become clear when we have moment to slow down

The anecdote

I once lived in Sydney and I got really into cycling. I loved it. Sydney is a beautiful place to ride a bike, if not a bit scary at times. The roads are narrow. But the scenery is magic.

I found a crew there and we cycled together basically every morning. I woke early to join them and we would head for the beaches or the hills. I got really fit. I started racing criteriums and handicaps. I even managed to win a couple.

This was all helped by being involved in setting up a bicycle shop with a friend, and having access to amazing gear at a great price.

I started to drop off the cycling upon the birth of my first son. In fact my fitness dropped away quite a bit during this time. I still enjoyed riding, but I much more enjoyed spending time with my son and shaping our new family.

We moved back to Melbourne where my second son was born. I changed jobs as well, moving back to a more corporate environment and away from the entrepreneurial focus I had in Sydney.

And this is when cycling really changed for me. Instead of being a fun thing that I loved doing, something that I was quite good at, that enabled me to see so much beauty in nature; instead of all these things, it became something to do for work. To network with others. To be one of the crew. To do it not for the love of cycling, but for what cycling could do for me professionally. I started to loath it.

And then I had my [[Single Minded Dad: Gap Year]]. One of the amazing things during this gap year was that it allowed my mind to stop racing. My routines changed. I started spending time with a different group of people. And I was not earning any income.

All of this meant that many of the things I was doing out of obligation and perhaps cultural expectation became apparent to me. When my finances were limited, the things I chose to do were more carefully considered. And when my understanding of my context expanded, I started to see the things I could walk away from.

Cycling was one of these things for me. I had no desire to go riding any more. I started to develop a deeper understanding of what wellbeing and movement and fitness were all about for me. And so I sold my bike and never looked back.

The insight

The insight here for me was that in stopping and going slower, I could start to see the things that were detracting from my life but that I was persisting in doing. Stopping meant that I could allow many non-essential things to fall away. Cycling was the pin-up child of this for me, but there were others. Like the amount of money I was spending on clothes and other things for the house. I did a massive clean out, Marie Kondo style, asking myself if this was something I actually needed in my life.

The consequences

Some of these changes were quite hard to make at the time. I loved my bike, and wanted to hang on to it forever. I wondered if I spent less on clothes whether I would still be seen as cool.

But after the decision was made, the liberation was wonderful. It created space for other things; things that were more fulfilling and life bringing for me. And sometimes these things were not material. They created space for different kinds of friendships. For different kinds of thinking. For creating in a way that I had not been able to up to that point.

The mindful wrap-up

I heard Tyson Yunkaporta talk recently about stopping; slowing down; listening more. The land is talking to us. It is saying that we are going too fast. That there is too much going on. That we need to do less.

This was what I experienced in stopping. I am actually at the point right now where I need to stop again. Life has got too hectic. I am trying to move up; have more; go faster.

Time to listen again. And to allow the non-essential to fall away.